One of the most important conclusions of psychological research is that relationships that occur around us in the outside relationships - particularly in our early years - come to be represented internally in our internal relationships with ourselves as seen in our core conclusions about ourselves and about others.
Sometimes the conclusions that we drew as children about why things are the way they are can be wrong. However these beliefs and ideas can get stuck.
It is through this process that early experiences can come to have long term impact.
When we have drawn conclusions that
Other people are scary and unreliable or
That we are not good enough or
That there is something wrong with us or
That we cannot cope
Then this changes the way we go forward in the world
So what else do we need to know?
What we need to know is that ideas and conclusions that we drew about ourselves and about the world a long time ago can change
When our ideas change - even with small adjustments - the result can be quite dramatic. However we don't generally easily change beliefs and ideas unless we are absolutely convinced that old ideas no longer serve us.
For example, some ideas that we carry around with us are like carrying around an enormous heavy heavy rucksack into every situation that we enter. This can be truly exhausting... However we can hold on tight until we are sure that we have built up the confidence to let go. No one can let them go for us. We have to be willing to keep taking the steps until we are ready.
Then when we do finally let go we may wonder what was so difficult - as things suddenly look so different.
Unhealthy relationships with the Self can be as difficult and damaging as unhealthy relationships with others. They are often connected and found together.
Addressing the unhealthy internal relationships is however as important as anything that you do on the outside.
It will be key to finding your way through any big challenges.
Here are some other Articles to get you thinking
Journey on an airplane
The I Matter Mountain
Effective Journaling and how it helps
Stepping out of the Fog: The Five Steps to Success
From Fear to Love: On becoming conscious
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Dr Cathy Betoin
Clinical Psychologist, Teacher, Parent
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