Quick Relationship Health
Self Assessment Key

Quick Relationship Health Self Assessment Key

So what do your scores mean?

5-6 seems to be a healthy relationship 
3-4 may need some attention
0-2 may have concerns or need attention
less than 0 some very significant concerns


There are a few issues about Healthy Relationships:

1. Healthy Relationships need time from you
If you want a relationship to start healthy and stay healthy then you need to do some things together. You need to be able to feel relaxed in each other's presence with activities that you both enjoy.  If that is not happening, then have a think about what steps you could take 

2. Healthy relationships thrive when there are tasks that need 'getting done' together.  So they benefit when there is something that you can focus on doing together which involves some problem solving and shared commitment.  This might involve small tasks at home.  Or it might involve an activity or hobby you enjoy together.

3. All healthy relationships need the participants to develop skills in managing conflict.   Conflict is completely normal and healthy and important. So in healthy relationships both partners know how to speak up for what they want and both partners how to listen to what is important to the other person.  Together they are good at coming up with solutions that meet everyones' key needs. 


What about Relationship Ill-Health?

1.  First things first, Aggression and violence don't have a role in healthy relationships.   If aggression or violence are taking place you are strongly advised to go to speak about what is happening with others.  Don't try to manage this on your own.  

2.  Healthy Relationships make it possible for each person to be their own self.  We are all different and unique and we think about things and do things in our own unique way.  So in a healthy relationship these different needs and perspectives are respected. We don't see patterns in which one person - child or adult - is very controlling or actively manipulative of the other one.  If very controlling behaviour is happening.  This is a red flag that there are issues that need some thinking about.

3.  In healthy relationships the participants always speak to each other in a respectful way.  Disrespect and abuse are not seen in healthy relationships.  However they are often seen in relationships that are under strain.   As a parent, or as a partner, your role is to be firm that you want to be treated respectfully.    This is particular important when relationships are under strain for any reason.   Asking to be treated with respect can feel strange. So if you have not done this before and so if you know you find it difficult this is something to seek help with. 

In a healthy relationship - the signs of illhealth are not present- or they are addressed very promptly.

In a relationship with some concerns we generally find that signs of health are not fully present and there are also signs of ill health.

In a relationship with significant concerns there are few signs of health and raised signs of ill health.   In this siguation urgent action is strongly recommmended,

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Dr. Cathy Betoin - Relationship Health Matters

Dr Cathy Betoin
Clinical Psychologist, Teacher, Parent

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